Tax for our dreams
by MoonlightGem
Summary: Just some Logan´s thoughts about his and gang´s life. Read and review.


**Title: **Tax for our dreams

**Summary:** Just some Logan´s thoughts about his life.

**Disclaimer: **I don´t own anything. Not even this PC. It´s my mom´s. Life sucks!

**A/N: **It´s my first fic. I hope you´ll like it. I´m really sorry for all the mistakes here. I have problems with articles.** And other little things.**

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If you ask someone of us on family he´ll answer you without hesitation, that his family are his friends. Because of this we deserve condemnation. Unfortunately, nobody understands, that without friends would our cold hearts totally petrified.

Those, who condem us, see only our money, famous last name, fancy parties, beautiful clothes, fast cars... Nobody of them can see our loneliness, nobody can see our senselessness, nobody can see under our arrogant masks. They think, that we are spoiled by money and that we aren´t regretful and we appreciate nothing. But what the money is? Miserable bribe of our parents for neverending cold from everywhere. Tax for our dreams.

We don´t have dreams. Our future is served on beautiful silver plate in our golden cage, it is served without question, if we want it. We don´t have dreams, we only have desires.

We desire for normal things, for touch, for kiss, for attention, for normal people´s problems. But nothing of that isn´t coming. So we are trying to reach it, maybe by not very right ways, but we don´t know others. We make problems in order to get parental attention, but we get only disgust and dissent. We want to force them to get stroke by crazy actions, where we can harm ourselves, but this touch is painful. We want kisses of love, but what we get, is marketable and untrue love and often it isn´t the love at all.

We are using our last names and we are damning them at the same time, we hate them so much, that it is killing also a pride at our ancestors. They give us entries to unique things, though only material, which fade after a while. They give us blandishments and consessions and favours, but they take away a bit of our souls.

We are trying to forget and don´t feel the cold, or the pressure of all sides. That´s why we drown ourselves in the parties, alcohol and other delights. We want to forget, but it is hunting us at every step, it is reminding itself, it is terrifying us, it is killing us slowly.

One of my best friends once said, that death isn´t horrible, terrible is only dying. That time, when you are losing your friends, hope, joy, when you are losing yourself. The time, when you are living for the moment, in order to enjoy everything, what you can. You don´t care about yourself, but others, you care about leaving something, memory full of love and laugh. And then it catch you. The fear. Everything you has lived is dipping into your nightmares and it is destroying you from inside.

Our devastated souls full of pain are too proud to give somebody a joy to see us broken. We made a perfect protection over another pain. Cynicism combined with audacity. It´s a shield, through which you can´t go, it damp you, terrify you. It allows you not to left a mark.

You defend your behavior. You claim, that you are neutral and friendly, but you are snobs. You are the ones, who don´t want to have anything with us, who abuse us and give us no chance. You are glad, that you can absent from us and you laugh at our mistakes and falls. You, who claim, you are right are actually worse. You are hypocrites. What do you really want? To reach the same level as we.

Our biggest loss is, that we don´t know what the love is. We never get it, that´s why we don´t know how to pay it forward. So, once when somebody loves us, we lost it stupidly. Because of our senselessness.

It´s also our biggest fear. Fear, that we will love somebody, and he then leave us and in our heart will be one enormous hole, which, unfortunately, never heal. It will be there as proof, that our great, shiny world is ugly and terrible inside. World of high society. World of me, Logan Huntzberger.

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**Please, please review. Pretty please. **

**Natalie**


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